I think I am in
love with you because you have the most amazingly bright and bluish eyes. Every
time I look into your eyes, I feel like I am falling into a deep, inescapable
pond of fantasy. And your long, straight hair gives me charms as well.
However, I
sometimes rationally think about the symptom of love. Someone, namely our
Korean teacher, told that an “anima” and “animus” lives inside the human mind.
I am not falling in love with you itself because I am reflecting the
characteristics of my anima to you. Your bright, bluish eyes and your long,
straight hair are only a part of my anima. If I find another woman closer to my
anima, I will love her instead. That’s why I believe the feeling of falling in
love is foolish; I feel a tremendous amount of happiness when I see you, but I
know that I cannot truly love you. One thing unchanged is that you are the
woman closest to my anima until now.
Although I
sometimes approach love from rational perspectives, when I make up my mind to
let go of you, my heart breaks as if I am tearing myself apart.
“Knock, knock…”
“Who’s there?”
“It’s me.”
It is her. It is
her there, opening the door of my heart. If the housekeeper –the “heartkeeper”-leaves,
I won’t stand it.
Yet, I still
have a problem with you. You are so hidden, so clementine, and sometimes so
just deceiving. When I let you into my heart, it was because of everything-the
blue eyes, the silky long hair, and the same treacherous, hiding anima of mine
that refuses to reveal itself to others. So here I stand, and I wonder: is the
person opening the door to my heart-you-really there? Isn’t it some kind of
illusion, maybe a double delusion? I’m not sure if you’re really in front of
me.
Please tell me
you are not an illusion. Tell me you are living, blinking your eyes, drinking
water, and your heart is beating lively. Please don’t leave me. I cannot
imagine my life without you. I don’t want to let you go. So, I’ll confess the
three magical words that are so easy yet difficult to tell.
I love you,
Mom!
From the moment I
was born.
