30 Things About Me!!!

1. I absolutely LOVE playing soccer, more than any other type of sport. But surprisingly, I’m not so much into watching soccer matches or being a huge fan of one specific soccer club.

2.  I’ll have to be real honest with this. I think I’m quite talented at singing. But the thing is, I’m not sure how most others feel about my claim. If they disagree, then I think it’s mainly because they haven’t heard me sing in my best condition. After I had vocal training, singing became something more than a simple hobby; it transformed into a “window of expression” for my feelings, especially when I’m hurt by whatever hardships in life.

3.   Living abroad in the US for 2 years has turned out to be one big turning point in my life. I experienced a huge change in my personality as well as my attitude towards life: before, I was a shy child. After 2 wild years in California, I now just couldn’t resist the idea of getting the entire spotlight at everything I do.

4.   I think I might have a thing about East Asian countries. I once fell in love with Hong Kong for no special reason, have visited HK, Singapore, Japan, China, and am currently into Chinese culture, which also does not have a solid reason.

5.  I like to know about other people. Things they do, reasons for some noticeable actions or traits, and the understanding of mankind with respect to different social contexts. Maybe this is why I’m interested in cultural studies and anthropology. Some kids make fun of my somewhat “absurd” fields of interest, but who are they to judge?

6.  I hate to say this myself…but guess what? I’m a romantic guy. I can’t seem to get my mind off of things I truly love, and I constantly imagine out-of-nowhere fantasies about them. I make use of fancy quotes I see in movies or TV shows and song lyrics all the time. I seldom use those directly in 1-to-1 conversations; instead, I devise plans to create a situation in which that cheesy stuff will fit, although this never seems to work.

7.  I am a “person of soft power.” I abhor bossing people around even if I’m in the position to lead. I prefer persuading people to do their work from their heart, although it often takes a long time to establish such relationship with one’s group.

8.  I dream of living the lives of awesome characters from movies, novels, or pretty much any kind of source. After watching a good memorable film, I look into the mirror and pretend to be the hero from the movie. But then after a little while, I realize I’ve been making total fool out of myself.

9. I, and hopefully most others, regard myself as a caring, considerate person. Sometimes, because I believe such a trait ruins my “manliness” I’m expected to possess, I struggle to be nonchalant about things around me and be cool, which, according to my friends, is all revealed in my facial expressions.

10. Not many people would think I’m fat or at least chubby, so I’m pretty sure about how surprised they’ll be when they hear about my amazing appetite. I usually go on binge after starving for a few meals in a row. I once ate 8 dishes of sushi at a Buffet!

11. Nowadays, I’m madly into this American sit-com called “How I met your mother.” I guess I get some “substitute satisfaction” from the character’s lives. There are so many precious quotes and beautiful scenes from numerous episodes, including my all-time favorite: “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass; it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

12. When I was young (and I mean REALLY young), I never wanted to stand out from others, at least as far as I remember. However, it turns out that I’ve always wanted to be the center of spotlight at everything after all. I have hard time admitting defeat, although I’ve had plenty of such experience in the past years at KMLA. Nevertheless, I have no regrets.

13. I am easily moved emotionally by words or actions others wouldn’t put too much significance in them.

14. I don’t know if this is due to my habit of binge-eating or the stress I get from schoolwork (maybe both, actually), but I seem to have an extremely weak intestines. I always have butterfly stomachs with growling sounds. Weak intestines might actually be the cause for my binge-eating. It’s too hard to decide which one is accountable for the other one.

15. I am in love with a singer named Kim Yoon-a. Don’t get me wrong here. I love her as my hero, not as the subject of amorous intentions. Her devotion to and passion toward what she truly loves have always re-fueled my enervated soul whenever in times of hardship. The unique lyrics in many of her songs, which echo her attitudes toward life, touch upon the deepest emotions in my heart and soothe my soul.

16. In a way, I guess I’m an extremely dependent human being. I always need my own, unique ideal type or role-model to feel comfortable in my daily-life. Without an ideal figure to look upon and fantasize about, I somehow seem to lose my sense of identity and become a “nobody.” When I lose the certain taste of my fantasy, I desperately struggle to find a new one I can rely on. Some of my past ideals types are Olivia Hussey and Ye-jin Son. 

17. In elementary school years, I had a playdate with my friend at my house. We were playing ping-pong on the floor and when I went to the far corner of the room, I found a humongous and black-furred cricket crouching on the ball. Immediately, I freaked out to death and vomited at the sight of my father getting rid of it because I was absolutely disgusted by the idea of touching its furry, squish belly. I guess one could refer to my lingering fear of crickets as a trauma.

18. I have a nickname called “Albie.” It was originally spelled “Alby,” but then my friend from Hong Kong pronounced the last syllable “by,” rhyming with “I” so I decided to change the spelling. Despite the fact that many of my friends make fun of this nickname, I really like it, mostly because the name “Albert” has a much too erudite sense in it which I am not capable of handling.

19. I have a 'Joy luck Club" of my own. Since I could barely walk on my own, I've been close friends with children of my mother’s best friends. The three families-including mine-used to go on trips together. Although we couldn’t meet as often as we used to due to us growing up and getting busier and busier, we still hold gatherings at least once in every 6 months. The intimate bond between the other two families is something I wish keep for the rest of my life.

20. The first word I muttered out loud was “watermelon.” For most kids, however, their first words would be something like “ma” or “pa.” Am I destined to be unable to fulfill my filial duties from such a young age? This thought kind of makes me feel sorry for my parents.

21. I am a born-workaholic! Even from an extremely young age, I guess. A relative of mine told me that I once shouted out loud I had work to do and should therefore go home when I was at a family gathering.

22. I hate being teased. Most of the time, I try to disregard any kind of teasing, but I’m afraid it will hurt my reputation. I know from the bottom of my hurt that I shouldn’t make a big thing out of it, but I always find myself reacting in the exact opposite way.

23. I believe and live up to my “pineapple can theory.” I got this idea from one of my favorite movies, “Chungking Express.” Basically, it’s about expiration dates which fall on relationships between pretty much anyone we know. According to the theory, there is an expiration date for all relationships-just like pineapple cans-which we might or might not realize. We just have to admit the simple yet disturbing fact and enjoy every single moment you spend with others, for the fond memories never die out whereas the relationship itself always does. 

24. I’m a pseudo-pessimist, if there is such a phrase. I don’t believe in happy-endings, but thanks to this belief, I struggle to make everything before the ending as happy as they can be. This attitude is sort of in line with the pineapple can theory.

25. I’m not afraid to say that I cry a lot. I don’t usually burst into tears, but rather only get to the point where tears well up in my eyes. I get such experience when reading books, listening to songs, and watching films. Why not be true to your emotions deep down, and repress your genuine feelings? Tearless preoccupation of males is not a good-enough excuse for me.

26. I believe outer appearances have as much importance as, if not more, than inner qualities of a person. It’s not a matter of good-looking or being handsome. What I pay attention to is one’s sense of neatness and tidiness. Keeping a neat appearance reflects one’s respect toward others.

27. Throughout my school life, teachers have often told me that I am slightly stubborn in that I have hard time absorbing new information or techniques. They say I try to stick with what I already know or possess. This, although a bit discomforting, is true to some extent considering the fact that I’m a relatively conservative person, born and raised in a household with conservative atmosphere.

28. I’ve never been in a serious relationship with anyone, although I feel like I’m currently on someone’s hook (Shh!!!) Still, I believe “the one” for me is getting here as fast as she can, so my plan is to simply wait until fate does something about it.

29. I don’t know why, but I somehow feel really connected to Hong Kong (and no, this is not because of the infamous Aika!) During the short stay, I had the best moments in life. (Although I have to admit that I’ve had a few “best” moments so far) I’m planning to re-visit HK after graduating from KMLA.

30. At night, especially I am working by myself with all my roommates asleep, I feel hopelessly lonely. But here is the funny thing; although I loathe the idea of being lonely, I kind of enjoy the time all alone without any possible source of disturbance. 

Chekhov's Real Intentions in "The Student"

On a chill, lonely evening when winter has begun to show signs of its arrival, Ivan Velikopolsky, a 22-year old student of the clerical academy, walks in the brooding meadow and meets two widows to experience a sudden yet huge moment of revelation on the grandeur of life. Despite the blunt exclamation of joy and optimistic realization on the surface, however, Chekhov ultimately seems to convey a sense of cynicism in his work, “The Student,” through the implied callowness of Ivan and the use of literary techniques. His pessimistic view towards Ivan, and by extension, life in general, also echoes his own personal situations in which he had been around the time he wrote this short story.

One thing readers should keep in mind when reading and analyzing Chekhov’s famed short story is Ivan’s callowness regarding life and theological studies. The title itself, “The Student,” implies that Ivan is an inexperienced learner, not at all a sage of wisdom. The abrupt and somewhat needless mentioning of his age at the moment of revelation actually serves its purpose of adding on to Chekhov’s hints of Ivan’s inexperience. Perhaps Ivan’s puerile words and condescending attitudes – how he looks down on the two widows (who have had more life experiences) and makes extremely abrupt connections to arbitrary objects or situations to those mentioned in the Biblical story of Peter and Jesus – are due to his lack of experience. Learned clerics wouldn’t make such irrelevant relations to Apostle Peter based on mere instance of standing in front of a camp fire and mutter out, “At just such a fire the Apostle Peter warmed himself.” Later on, Ivan takes it too far again by calling the diachronic links as “unbroken chain of events” after witnessing emotional responses of widows. Once readers become aware of Ivan’s callowness, it is hard for them to truly empathize with his “transcendent” realization, as Ivan is stigmatized as an unreliable character.

Chekhov utilizes not only untrustworthy characterization, but also literary devices to create an ending infused with cynicism. The narration develops as the student proceeds along with the “cold, penetrating wind…from the east,” heading to the “west where the cold crimson sunset lay a narrow streak of light.” This directional symbolism regarding the east and west is a universally-shared common ground with respect to the sun’s movement. Since the student is heading toward the west – the direction where the sun goes down – he seems to be proceeding toward the downhill of life, not at all in line with the overly explicit exaltation at the ending. Also, the blended juxtaposition of the Biblical allusion and Ivan’s encountering with the two widows creates a verisimilitude between Ivan and Jesus, and Apostle Peter and Vasilisa, especially because of the imagery of weeping and sobbing bitterly is held in common. The extended Biblical resemblance surrounds Ivan with his own absurd fantasies, leaving him with nothing more than pity and dim-wittedness, rather than elated expectation for the upcoming future.

The cynicism readers feel towards Ivan and in more broad terms, life in general, reflects Chekhov’s personal life. Born into a devout Russian Orthodox household, Chekhov led a generally miserable childhood and was often economically pressured. Even when he started to gain recognition from literary critiques, earning him a Pushkin Prize, he had to go through some of the toughest times in his life – his brother’s sudden death and his deteriorating health. Around the time Chekhov wrote “The Student,” he had been traveling to the penal colony in Sakhalin Island in search for a true purpose in his life. When Chekhov’s interest in prison reform and his interviews with thousands of convicts in the penal colony are taken into consideration along with his misfortunes, it is natural to conclude that he turned away from optimism.

On the superficial level, “The Student” may be seem to be dealing with a heavenly revelation on the meaningfulness of life, possibly owing to the excessive usage of inflated diction. However, when the text is scrupulously analyzed and Chekhov’s personal background is taken into account, readers can no longer bear to stand in his shoes, and they can truly grasp the originally intended cynicism toward both Ivan and life itself.