Thursday, March 14, 2013

Guess How I Got Caught!


Throughout my life, I have had quite a lot of experiences of getting caught while playing computer games, watching TV secretly, and doing many other numerous things I wasn’t allowed to do. But there was one embarrassing time when I literally got “caught” by something.                              


I am a huge fan of both watching and playing soccer, and I have been a player from even before I got into elementary school. Because I practiced so hard, I had been able to become one of the best soccer players in my neighborhood by the time I became a senior in my middle school. Since my school was a boys’ school, I was able to get along with almost everyone: my friends were just so crazy about soccer that we spent most of our break-time playing soccer or talking about its strategies. One a hot summer day, a friend called and asked me to join his team in the soccer league composed of teams from local schools. I said yes and we practiced and practiced to get to the finals and win the prizes.

Finally, the day of the tournament arrived and we, as passionate as Roman gladiators getting ready for their next dual, rushed into the stadium. The scenery of the crowded Coliseum made us more enthusiastic than ever even though it was a bit different from what we expected. To our surprise, it was more of a local festival where girls and boys from many schools were watching. The green layer of emerald gave off bright sparkles of heat, the flags of many different colors and logos were fluttering angrily as if they just could not wait for games to begin, and huge waves of crowds were dancing like dragons struggling to ascend to the bright blue sky. We felt as if we were the heroes of an El Clasico match. When it was our turn to go in the field, I started to feel a weird sensation. For the first time in my life, I desperately wanted to show off to all the girls in the spectators’ seats my soccer skills. Come to think of it, I feel I had the strong, delightful expectation of showing off mostly because of the simple fact I hadn’t had the chance to meet or even see girls of my age since I was attending a boys’ school. I was totally caught by the strange sensation that came from the mixed feelings of nervousness of being a “star” in front of all the girls, and my passion for soccer.

From the beginning, I tried my best to perform fantastic soccer tricks and dribbles. Every time I succeeded in doing the Zidane Spin or the Rollercoaster, I could hear the cheers of the crowd. Almost at the end of the game, I was in the striker’s position and had a chance to score a magnificent goal. Someone from our team made an excellent cross to me and I thought to myself, ‘This is it! This is your best chance to become the Ronaldo of Mokdong!’ and did a scissors kick. Everything was perfect except for just one thing; my right foot swung in the air instead of kicking the ball! Instead of the soccer ball, I flew inside the net and lay on the sizzling grass like splattered jelly on cement. What was worse was that my foot got caught in the tangled net and I just could not get it out. All of sudden, I felt like a silly clown at a circus show with the entire crowd oohing at me. As the referee and the opponent goalkeeper came to get me out, I was nothing more than a fallen warrior at the Coliseum waiting for the beast to enjoy its meal, let alone becoming the “Ronaldo of Mokdong”.

That day, I got caught by two    things-the strange sensation of showing off to girls, and the actual soccer net. From the embarrassing experience, I was able to love soccer just as a favorite sport, not as a way to show off to girls. As I finish writing this narrative, the thought of this funny feeling makes me smile gently…

1 comment:

  1. First Draft Comments:

    Fun “sports essay.” To be honest, it isn’t often that I enjoy reading an essay about soccer. Most of them are very similar and very cliché. A good “sports essay” is hard to find, and in almost ALL CASES the good "sports essay" is not really about sports, and is about something more personal and profound. You have that here with “showing off” and “girls” etc., and you address the word “caught” in a creative and figurative way. It works well in this essay. As well, the “tone” and style of your writing is fun and fast, and there is no issue reading from start to finish. Clear and to the point. Things to improve? Not much, but you can increase the good things about the essay and inject even more fun. Metaphors, similes, and other descriptive writing techniques will help. Did you feel like a mustang stallion parading in front of the masses? Did the stadium remind you of the Roman Coliseum as you became a gladiator fighting for freedom? Etc. etc. Have more fun. Be more comedic. Introduce us to some of the girls who might be in the audience. All in all, good stuff and solid writing.

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    Second Draft Comments:

    So far, this essay is among the most "improved" in the class, and you CLEARLY did follow some of the suggestions, and it is markedly better. Love the gladiator analogy and extra attention to description and simile. Jelly on concrete.:)

    All in all, very good. Your blog looks great.

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